If you’ve ever been to an arcade, amusement park, or fair, you’re familiar with the overwhelming sensations that lay siege to your body: the conflicting smells, the confusing sights, and the many noises. Ah, the unending, grating noises. It is as if someone decided to bombard the victims of these paradises with so many uncontrolled stimulants that whether any of them stick or not is irrelevant, because the occupants’ bodies are too confused, they wouldn’t know how to respond regardless.
Take away the animatronics and the turnstiles, and the description above fits a classroom perfectly. No matter how attentive or in control you may seem, chances are spherical objects are still hurled, noises and words mingle together in an incoherent (at least to you) puddle, and there are usually enough smells to put any carnival to shame.
The most frightening aspect of this sensory overload is that it never ends. Every day, every period the bombardment continues. Sure, there are some days or classes that feel like a slight reprieve, but this is just a mirage. The troops are only reloading. Before you blink your name will be repeated 15 times while you assist another student. Several more will chime in to the incessant chant as others fling cards or pencils across the room in impatience.
You will long for the bell to bring you out of your misery, but it only intensifies in the madness of dismissal. The little warriors know your hold on them is waning with each second. They may team up to distract you while others try to wrestle in the corner. You usually have two options: continue to fight to the very end or count down the seconds to the end of another losing battle.
It is not uncommon for those at the front lines to experience delayed stimulated withdrawal or DSW at the end of the day. This usually consists of the teacher staring blankly at the back of the classroom or a wall for 15-30 minutes trying to get the lights to stop flashing in their brains. By the time the brain resets it’s time to wake up again for the next deployment. Let’s just hope you’re not too cooked to recover by the summer.
-The Cooked Teacher