I’ve heard it said that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer, but your family at arm’s length on a vacation. Close enough to make memories, but far enough away so you don’t lose yourself to their shenanigans as you pursue your own.
Traveling abroad with your bloodline can be exciting. Mostly because the experience fluctuates between a fieldtrip for adults where you must supervise and a hilarious series of mishaps that seem straight out of a Chevy Chase film. These adventures commence long before you arrive at your destination. As the excitement begins almost immediately upon booking the getaway.
Canceled flights and lost bags are a common occurrence on the second rate, cheap flights, that fly out of two airports in the U.S. every fifth Wednesday of the winter months. However, the inconvenience is worth the couple hundred saved in airfare. Just be prepared to drive half a day to your connecting flight if for some reason they cancel your first leg the night before for unclear reasons. Do not fret. You will get your underwear and sunscreen a week after you arrive back at your home following the excursion.
It is best that you practice your look of bewilderment and confusion before departing. You will need it for several occasions: loud shouting from family members in public places (however necessary it is), near accidents in foreign lands, incessant questioning of locals to triple-check previously known information in the hopes that the answer will be different this time, and of course, tired ramblings of sugared up and delirious travelers at the end of a long journey.
My final words of advice are for you to be very flexible as to the whims and diets of the other members of your party. Expect nothing ordinary and make the most of the amenities around you. You can always enjoy a nice book once you have answered the required barrage of questions as to the plot, characters, and basic synopsis of the read. So, chin up, tan up, and begin questioning your vacation and familial decisions.
The Cooked Traveler